Thanksgiving activity

We went to Pam & John's for Thanksgiving with all the family. It was very nice, lots of fun helping out in the kitchen. However, about the time that I started to have some back pain. I figured that it was because I had been standing so long. But I wasn't much more comfortable at the table sitting down. As the meal progressed, I had to take some Tylenol to ease up my back pain.

By 6:30 I was ready to get home and just go to bed. We left around 7:15 to get Natalie & Jackson to bed, and I just wanted to go to sleep too but was still experiencing pain. By the time we got home, I was experiencing pain in my pelvic bone and it didn't subside. It didn't throb, it wasn't contractions, I was really at a loss as to what this might be. It didn't go away for about 90 minutes, but when I got out of bed, it did subside and I was able to have a good nights sleep!

I think what must have happened is baby's head engaged in my pelvic bone. Which at Wednesday's appointment Dr. Kallock said baby was between minus 1 and engaged. So there we go. Who knows when the end comes, but at least, the pain is gone and I'm feeling up beat.

It just keeps getting exciting

LICE !

This morning of my 36 week appointment, I finally figured out why Jackson's and my heads were itching. And thankfully was able to treat the lice before my doctors appointment. UGH, gross. But it is something that happens to the best of us.

And not much change with my pregnancy. Though, it could be any day, I'm now thinking it'll be a few weeks yet. Just to keep us on our toes, and the fun times coming (but hopefully no more lice).

Belly photos at last!

Watch the belly grow:

September:

October:

November:

One month to go

Nov 22, one month to Dec 21 due date.

Had an appointment yesterday, not much change in cervix, though definitely 2 cm. And baby is minus 2, minus 1 position above engaging in my pelvic bone-which is "engaged".

Will I or wont I make it through Thanksgiving?

Dates of interest

My numbers game loving mind has picked a few dates that work . . .

My siblings and I have birthdays that add up together: Anna on the 14th + John on the 16th = Clare on the 30th.

Ross and his sibling have birthdays that add up together: Ross on the 8th + Emily on the 17th = Carl on the 25th.

Natalie is the 7th, Jackson the 15th. So this baby could be born on the 8th of Dec or the 22nd of Nov (or Dec, which seems awfully late).

Also, within our own family we have 7, 8, 15 & 30 already. So we could go with Dec 1 (or 15) for some more addition patterns. 1+7=8, 7+8=15, 15+15=30. But that's not as fun.

Is the end near?

My exam at 32 weeks, 5 days said 1 cm dilated and completely normal cervix.

My exam at 34 weeks, 5 days said 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced (though my dr said if one didn't know the original length of my cervix would put me at 50%).

This last week and today more back pain and tightening. And change in potty behavior. . . today is 35 days 3 days. Next appointment is on Thursday--can't come fast enough to know what changes have taken place.

Birth dream

Last night I had a birth dream.

I was at my current gestation and sitting at a cafe table with my Mother-in-law. Baby started moving around in my belly but then more towards my right leg. Her face, in the dream I knew it was a girl, was pressing up against my skin so we could clearly see her baby image.

She was searching for an exit and found the way out. I helped her arrive (not like a real birth, no blood or umbilical cord or vernix. She was just an infant. I was trying to figure out if I should put her back in or keep her out when I woke.

More visitors

Anna and John are in town this weekend to spend a little time together.

Two ladies, one baby out, one baby in

Last week, I went up to Seattle to help my sister-in-law Emily get to her own doctor's appointment. And since she's still recovering from her C-section, I got to carry and coo over Elsa.

We did get some funny looks though. Emily, all slimmed down after birth walking freely, and I, obviously big in pregnancy carrying a month old in a car seat. In the elevator, a woman asked us how old Elsa was, and when we explained the baby was indeed Emily's, she asked if I was also expecting my first. When I told her my third, her reply was that I only look 12! Thanks, I think.

Week 35

Time keeps going and so does this pregnancy, and I'm okay with that. For now.

At my last doctor's on Thursday, Dr. K checked me again to see if everything I've been feeling (braxton-hicks and back pain) has does anything to progress towards having a baby.  She diagnosed that I was now about 2 cm dilated, and she would say 70% effaced (though a doctor unfamiliar with my crazy long cervix would put me at 50% effaced). I have a feeling that I might have about two more weeks before this kiddo arrives.

Week 33!

Since Elsa's birth, we have been actively getting ready for our bundle's arrival.

My Mom and Jim arrived for Halloween and really helped get the house ready and set up for guest/baby room. And the kids have been sharing a room, with bunk beds, for a little over 2 weeks. It has all be going well.

Though towards Halloween, I started to get really anxious and paranoid about when this baby might arrive. I had a doctor's appointment and while she said all was still solidly in place for continuing this pregnant, she said I could do the fetal fibranectin test that I had with Natalie. I decided against doing that just to put my mind at ease, since I wasn't sure if it really would make me relax any more.

I have been having braxton-hicks and back pains so things might be moving in the right direction on it's own, and without my being on bed rest.

On Nov 2 I hit 33 weeks gestation and all my anxiety went away, or rather diminished greatly. I think I'm feeling everyday I'm not on bed rest or preterm labor is an added bonus to accomplishing my tasks and not disrupting our family's schedule. However, I really can't imagine being pregnant for 7 more weeks, let along through the end of November . . . I guess we have to wait and see.

ELSA JEAN!

On Wednesday October 9, 2013 this happened:

I am now, after being a mom for 7.75 years, and AUNT! and we are officially Aunt Clare and Uncle Ross!

Elsa Jean Godwin came in to the world at 8 lbs, 5 oz and 19 inches long. With super cheeks and her Daddy's mouth. Emily and Ryen are thrilled as are all the extended family.

Natalie was captivated by the swaddling and so the next morning she asked to be bundled up like baby Elsa:

Very exciting indeed. We love our little Niece/Cousin.

October

This month is full of changes, good and bad, and it's causing me a few sleepless nights as well as happiness and a little bit of nesting.

My Aunt Caroline passed away on the 7th. She is my Dad's sister-in-law and it was fairly sudden. Her memorial will be on the 27th in Boston, but due to my pregnancy gestation at that time, and the preterm labor I had with Natalie, it is thought best that I stay put. I'm not sure if I've seen the Loughlin side of my family all together since we got married.

On the 9th, I became an Aunt myself! Emily & Ryen had their baby girl! More on that in another post.

Starting to have Sciatic pains this month.

Going to buy a new car this weekend, and get rid of my Honda (that I've had since before we got married).

Kids are going to be combining rooms this weekend as well. Lots of rearranging. Natalie is excited about the bunk beds, but not for the fact that they'll be in "Jackson's Room".

And to finish out the month, Mom and Jim are coming for a visit. Might be perfect timing to get a little extra helping hand to prep for baby's arrival.

Third Trimester

I had my 28 week appointment, which indicated the start of my third trimester.

All seemed well though I was diagnosed with anemia (just like my other pregnancies). I now am taking iron pills, and Metamucil to counter act the side effects of iron pills.

Sciatica fun

Just to keep up with the fact that this is a "geriatric pregnancy" my body has continued to add some "fun" into my life.

Last night my backside as aching before bed and I applied icy-hot to it and felt much better.

This morning started out fine. It wasn't raining so the kids and I walked to school. It was a nice walk, but when Natalie and I started back I noticed the pain again in my backside. It intensified with every step and before we were off the school property I was wondering how I would make it the three blocks home without crying. Thankfully another mother whose son is in Jackson's class saw me limping and offered us a ride home. I was most grateful.

Throughout  the day my backside hurt when I was walking, twice so sever I thought I'd fall down in pain. I was able to swim during Natalie's lesson and it didn't ache at all. Most likely it is Sciatic Pain but will know more tomorrow after my appointment about it.

SIL Dream

Last week I had a dream that I was to give birth to my Sister-in-Law's baby. This is most likely because she is scheduled for her C-section on Wednesday, October 9 and I've been thinking a lot about her and baby Godwin.

In my dream, I had to give birth to her baby because if she did it, it would be stillborn. Not a pleasant thought and I was happy to help out. In an ultrasound I could see her baby in my birth canal and my baby in my uterus. My concern was though, how would my body know to birth only the one baby and not mine who still had three months to cook.

And that's where the dream ended. I'm not sure what the outcome would have been.

Eye trouble

My eyes started having troubles with my contacts about Mid-August. I would develop red rings around my eyes, pretty much where my contacts sat. Then developed a more overall blood shot look. I wore my contacts less and switched to my glasses as frequently as possible. Come September, I changed to a fresh pair of contacts to see if that made a difference, and it did for a few weeks, during the few hours a week that I wore them. But soon, my left eye was becoming more irritated and in pain, not just red in color. The redness went away within a day of not wearing my contacts.

Over during the last week, I noticed my eyesight, even with my glasses on, was getting worse. Sitting on the couch 15 feet away from the 36" TV is when I really started to notice the change. Fuzzy letters, fuzzy characters, frustration on my part.

Today I went to my eye doctor and it was surprising how blurred my left eye had become. My eyes, which hadn't changed in three years, had changed one "click" on the right but SEVEN "clicks" on the left. (Clicks being the term my optometrist used based on the eye vision equipment.) That's a lot!

In discussing the different ways that ones vision can change it's near-sighted-ness, Dr. Hartman mentioned that the inner lens in diabetics can change because of the sugar increase. It hit me, that I have my gestational diabetes test in a week, and does this eye issue indicate that I'll have gestational diabetes this time around.

I guess we have to wait and see . . .

It's a boy!

For my cousin Regan and her family. Her C-section was scheduled for Oct 1, but happened today at 10:30 AM St. Louis time after her water broke. Baby boy and Regan are healthy. Name to be announced soon.

This brings the 2nd cousins gender count to 2 boys and 6 girls. This is in line with that side of my family. 3:1 girls to boys. We'll see what we have to add to the mix.

Not AVM, just nasty

I went to the Diagnostic Imaging NW clinic to have ultrasounds taken of my crazy veins. They started on the top of my leg, looking for any deep thrombosis, which might indicate unknown clots or other issues. Then I rolled to my side so they could ultrasound the actual veins in question. The technician said it looks as though the blood flowed in only one direction, so in fact it is not an AVM just a nasty vein that seems to be creeping every so slowing northward.

Dreams

In this dream I am at the hospital and about to deliver #3. However to prepare for this, I repeat the birth of Natalie, though with less screaming from me and no Doctor to help, while still pregnant with #3.

When the doctor arrives I ask what day is this? They reply December 1. I reply that this is the day that I wanted to really give birth to Baby #3 but I'm still pregnant! Nothing is happening for this kid, though I did just birth Natalie again.  

***

I had another dream recently but as the day passed, I can no longer recall it. Which isn't surprising since I can't recall a lot of things I'm supposed to remember day-to-day.

The Rhythm of Dancing Feet

This baby has, since I began feeling kicks, been very timely. While in Michigan, baby kicked every 3 hours at 12, 3, 6, & 9 AM and PM with a grand finally at about 10:30 pm.

Since I have returned, and the time zone has changed, I still think baby is kicking around every 3 hours but it isn't as timely as before. 10:30 AM right now, and kicking. Should chart it to see the pattern . . . but I do know it's strong, frequent and, when kicking, many kicks. Natalie has even see the belly wiggle with the kicks. However, she wont feel for the kicks any more since "I already did that once."

My Veins are Misbehaving

Six days after my regular doctor appointment for 20 weeks, when I was then at 22 weeks gestation, I noticed my left lower leg had begun to feel tingly. I mentioned this to Ross that evening and he suggested that maybe I was lacking iron. I sent a message to my Doctor and she too suggested increasing my iron, but also to schedule an appointment for the following Thursday.

For the next 4 days, my left leg tingled. I found places for the kids to stay during my appointment and went to discuss the new development with Dr Kallock.

When she arrived, she immediately noticed my eyes, which were then bright red. "Are you alright?" she asked me. I mentioned that for the last 4 days I had noticed that my eyes were red around the cornea and bloodshot elsewhere. We laughed at how vampiry I looked. After deciding to test if it's my contacts, by having me wear just my glasses, she moved on to my leg.

Dr Kallock did say it was presenting it self more like a superficial AVM (what Anna had mentioned), and that because I'm now having other symptoms (tingling) we should go ahead and make an appointment for a vascular diagnostic ultrasound. Because I am pregnant, we're not sure what can be done after the diagnosis, but it's better to know what is going on than be in the dark.

Appointment is set for Wed Aug 28, just less than a week from this recent Dr appointment.

The big ultrasound day, part II

After a few errands and dropping my kids off at a friends house, I went to meet Ross at our BIG ULTRASOUND appointment. Because I'm 35 years old (geriatric) and went into preterm labor with Natalie, my ultrasound was at the Maternal Fetal Medicine office connected to Tacoma General.

Before we arrived, Ross confessed his anxiety over the ultrasound. "This is why I don't like you being pregnant." The ultrasound pretty much verifies that we are not in control of the development of this baby and we just have to accept whatever is discovered. . .

Our technician was very nice as was the Doctor doing her ultrasound Fellowship who joined us. However, I think we're in for a big treat with this little one. A very squirrel-y baby in utero = a very active baby outside??? Our Technician kept making funny little remarks about the baby not cooperating and giving her a hard time. That part of the ultrasound lasted about 45 minutes. The Fellowship Doctor then had her turn to take some measurements and images, which lasted about 15 minutes.

They then went to discuss the images with the MFM Doctor to see if everything was satisfactory. The Doctor returned with them and started taking more images of baby's heart. I could tell that Ross was starting to become very nervous (as we had had some "markers" on Natalie's heart during her 20 week ultrasound--turned out just fine). After 15 minutes of looking at the heart, the blood flow in the heart, and all the chamber, the Doctor realized she was keeping us in suspense and finally proclaimed that everything looks great, they just like to have "really good" images of the heart.

I'm surprised Ross didn't just melt to the floor with relief. Poor guy.

So all is well with Baby #3. Now have a cute picture of baby knee-to-nose in profile. And all we have to do is wait a few more month to meet--in December. (And my cervix looked fine, even long, so that is not going to be a preterm labor indicator after all.)

The big ultrasound day, part I

The day started with my regular doctor's appointment for my 20 week check-up (I was officially 21 weeks, 3 days). Both kids came with me so Natalie was able to hear the heart beating via doppler. She didn't have the same awed reaction Jackson did when he first heard it, but that might be because she had been given a full report by her brother and knew what to expect. Or maybe she was just into playing with the toy she brought along.

My doctor took a look at my veins and asked me the basic questions of tingling sensations, pain, headaches, strength loss, etc. My answer to all was "no" so we left it to enlarged veins due to larger blood flow due to pregnancy. She did indicate that the vein glob (for lack of better terms) was blanching when she touched it, so there were some capillaries at work there.

And then my doctor informed me that she too was pregnant and due Dec 10! (And she just celebrated her first baby's 1st birthday!!!) We have decided that since she delivers late, and I deliver early, we should be just fine for her delivering this little one. PLUS she's on-call the week of Thanksgiving. So, maybe I'll shoot for that . . .

Lame Veins

On Aug 1, I was able to head to the beach for a few hours just to rest, relax and take in the view from Belvedere Beach. As I was getting up to leave, I felt a pain in the back of my left thigh. I checked it out when I got home, expecting to see a bug bite, but it was a bulging mass of balled up blue veins. It was not an enjoyable sight. It was tender to the touch but nothing incredibly painful.

When my sister was in town to help drive us back to Chicago for our trip home to Tacoma, I had her take a look at it. She said it looked like a AVM-where the veins and arteries meet together instead of through capillaries. And the veins leading to the 2cm x 3cm mass were dilated. She didn't think that traveling would be an issue, but since I'm her sister and pregnant she didn't want to miss something more.

Since I was traveling with 2 kids on an airplane, after a day of driving, I too wanted a peaceful frame of mind about what this was on my leg. Anna took me to the local hospital, and the doctor there confirmed her assessments that I would be fine, though he just discussed it as varicose veins and not AVM. The main mass had calmed down a bit so wasn't as bulging.

I still have it, and will be discussing it with my own doctor at today's 20 week appointment. (I am 21 weeks . . .)

Jackson feels kicks

Yesterday, I was finally able to time everything right, and Jackson was able to feel the baby kick. He has been wanting to for well over 6 weeks, and occasionally would feel my belly and say that he could. But yesterday, when he did feel the kicking, his eyes popped and it might have blown his mind.

Dreams

I had a few dreams in Michigan, but most were regular deams, I just happen to be pregnant in.

I did have a true pregnancy dream where I delivered  a baby girl, but more than that I can't recall.

However, last night, most likely because today is my 20 week ultrasound, I had a very vivid and real pregnancy dream about my ultrasound.

I was deciding if I would learn the gender of our child, when the technician informed us it was a boy. For some reason, I was adamant they were wrong because I truly felt this baby was a girl. I was very upset. It was very difficult for me, in the dream, to cope with the shift in baby-gender-mindset and the rest of the dream was my trying to cope.

I don't know why a baby boy would be so difficult for me, since I already have one. But I guess my dream self was so sure the baby was a girl that the change was just too much for her . . .

Ross feels the baby

With my baby & belly growth, the kicking really began to happen. Right about week 18 became a steady and predictable rhythm of daily baby kicks.

When Ross joined us up North, not only was he able to feel baby kick, but we could also see the belly move around with the kicks! Though we have both felt a baby kick before, it's amazing every time.

Baby Count Update

While I was in Michigan, two baby boys were born, and another pregnancy was revealed.

Total count:2 boys born, and 7 babies in the oven (known: 1 boy, 1 girl). And our baby count is moving into 2014 with the latest addition due in Feb/Mar.

Vacation Growth

From July 20 to August 9, Jackson, Natalie & I were on vacation in Charlevoix. Ross joined us for about a week in the middle of the trip.

This trip offered a lot of Mudd family fun, a lot of relaxation for me, and a lot of growth for the baby & belly.

At my 16 week appointment my doctor commented that I hadn't gained half a pound yet, but given my history of late weight gain, she wasn't going to be concerned. Well, I think at my 20  week appointment my doctor will be a little surprised at the change.

Photo from July:

Photo from August:

Total weight gain: 5 lbs!

Finally. . .

After a number of very bizarre dreams, I have had a true pregnancy dream. (I think this was encouraged by the first baby of the count being born.)

I had given birth, to I think a girl, and we were already home from the hospital. The majority of the dream was the repetitive act of nursing. Each nursing episode was separated by a short lapse in dream sequence time that was equal to two "real time" hours. Thankfully it wasn't stressful, almost soothing and relaxing. Which I taking as a good sign since getting back into the act of nursing is one of the things I'm necessarily looking forward to.

Baby kicks

As soon as week 18 started, so did the perpetual kicking!

Baby Nate-dogg

A few hours before Prince George was born to Kate and William, my friend Becky had a little prince of her own. Nathan Prince Hopkins was born at 4:07 am at 7 lbs, 13 oz. he is named for great-grandfathers on his dads side. And I think the Prince is the perfect name to commemorate such a wonderful birthdate: July 22, 2013.
Picture to upload once I'm back from vacation.

Contagious Dreams

Jackson over heard Ross telling me about his baby dream and the next morning Jackson told me he had one too. The baby was a boy, which we didn't know before he was born. That's all. .  . I couldn't get any other details. But I thought it interesting that my kids are also having baby dreams.

June belly shot

This is mid-June, so around 13 weeks. Not the best shot of the belly, but a start in the recording of growth. And as a reminder to all, I gain my baby weight towards the end. So when I post mid-July it might not look all that different. I expect the September shot to really show progress.

Dream #2

I have been having a lack of baby dreams. Though when I do dream, I am pregnant and in current time, but nothing else.

Ross informed me this morning that he had a baby dream. From what I understand (since I didn't have the dream myself) the baby had been born. He doesn't know if it was a boy or girl, nor did it have a name. However, Ross was feeding the baby fist full of under-cooked meat. And apparently I was not okay with this. 

Ross would also talk to the baby. "Hi baby, do you love Daddy?"  

And the baby would reply, clear as day, "Yes, I do love Daddy."

Well, such a momentous milestone had to be shared so Ross called for me to check it out and all the baby would do for me when I arrived is goo like a baby and barf.  "Sure, Ross . . ."

Then he tried again to talk to the baby. "Hi!"

Baby says, "Hi!"

"CLARE!!!!!"

I come again but this time the baby just coos and poops. 

Poor Ross. I don't believe him, and the baby isn't cooperating to prove it. And all I do is roll my eyes at him. Poor, poor, Ross. 

Sleep, no sleep

I found it interesting that this time around, I slept very well the first 2 months. Had quite a hard time sleeping for about 2 weeks in month 3, and now am back to solid sleep with a few wake ups for nature's call.

Also, I've only had one pregnancy dream thus far. And it wasn't even mine! It was a pregnancy dream about my SIL's pregnancy. That's a new one for me. Don't remember much of the details. There's time yet for some fun, crazy, preggo dreams. . .

The Belly

I am at 16 weeks, and the belly is starting to show. It showed a little earlier because of a misplaced spare tire that was not attended to. . . so in my opinion I'm showing a little more than I normally would be. However, I'm doing my best to avoid maternity clothes just yet.

Baby is now the size of an avocado. The kids love these food comparisons. Last week Natalie announced, "My baby is the size of an apple." Notice she didn't say Mommy's baby, or our baby. . .

I will put up a belly shot from June and July soon. I'm having a harder time getting to the blog, and also playing catch up from May and June information that I so diligently recorded for pregnancies 1 & 2.

Baby Count

Before we found out #3 was coming, I knew of three babies arriving soon. In August (due the 16th, my brother's birthday), my friend Becky is expecting her second. Prediction is a boy. Then in October there are two on their way: my sister-in-law's and my cousin's. We have found out that my SIL is having a girl. I was very excited for both of them, and especially pleased that my holding on to all my maternity clothes, baby clothes, baby items was not for naught. My cousin already had two kiddos and had items of her own (plus lived states away), but this was my SIL's first baby and I was looking forward to having a little cousin wearing some of our kids' clothes. I washed the Baby Bjorn again, the cover for the high chair, went though my tubs of boy clothes, and sent my maternity clothes over to her to go through.

Then before I could go through our tubs of girl clothes. . . .baby count grew to 4. Ours.

I had to retract our previous offer of baby clothes and items . . . but since this was their first, they were interested in creating their own environment for their future child. Very understandable, and very helpful for us.

I have since learned of three other babies due in November, and another in December like us.

Baby count is up to 8. So far, 2 boys and 1 girl accounted for. The end of 2013 is going to be packed with little ones.

A change in perspective

I find it interesting that 5 months ago, Ross and I saw a future path for our lives and then with two little blue lines we end up having baby on the brain. . . .constantly. Our new view is less concrete but a little more exciting with the unknown and the idea of another little one to love.

Bunk beds?

The evening of my 12 week appointment, Ross and I decided to share the news with the kids. I know Ross had been dying to for quite a while, but I really needed to get past the 12 week/possible miscarry mark.

Ross told the kids that Mommy has a baby in her belly and their eyes just about popped out of their little heads.

Natalie started to squeal (she was already over the moon that her Aunt Emily is expecting in October, a little girl) and clap her hands. Jackson was all questions.

Natalie mentioned that we needed to bring up the high chair, it's in the basement, I know right where it is, and we need to get the baby a lovey, they have them at target, and clothes too, and . . . .

We told the kids that there's the possibility, if we stay in our current house, that they might have to share a room for a little while, or one of them might have to share with the baby. Jackson immediately, excitedly, brought up the concept of bunk beds. His dream might finally come true (he's wanted them since good friends of ours got some last year). To this, Natalie responded with a serious, "nah, I think I'll keep my own bed."

The kids also decided that our baby and Aunt Emily's baby could be friends. We blew their mind again when we said they'd be cousins!

"If our baby is a boy, it could marry Aunt Emily's baby!" Um. . . No. . . .

Another mind game, on a smaller scale.

At my 12 week appointment, my doctor couldn't pick up the heartbeat on her doppler. This was a fear I actually had going into the appointment. It had been a constant concern for me, that once we started to get excited and make plans something would happen. Why wouldn't it, given all we had already been through. My doctor didn't seem concerned, and suggested we use the in office ultrasound machine. 

I was bracing myself to be prepared for whatever happens. I was trying not to read too much into my fears.

And there, tucked over by my left ovary was little baby. Swimming away happily, heart thump-thump-thumping along merrily. And then, to my astonishment, Baby waved to me. I swear it. 

Now I just wonder what type of personality this kid will have? A prankster, maybe? An introvert? 6 months left to see what other fun games we'll experience with this one. The mighty #3.

Roller Coaster

Well, my doctor confirmed what my home test indicated. I was pregnant. I will be having a third child as I always thought even after I had come to embraced the fact that it didn’t seem to be in the cards for us. And since I am 35, this is now a geriatric gestation! First time I’ve been personally associated with being geriatric.

Because of my delivery history (two weeks early with Jackson, a month early with Natalie—who wanted to arrive 7 weeks early) my doctor wanted to find out if my preterm labor was a fluke or due to my anatomy set up. We scheduled an ultrasound for the next week to check.

I spent that week in disbelief, Ross spent that week looking at properties and house designs.

The morning of my ultrasound I had a very severe pain in my abdomen. It increased my nerves and started my head swirling with wonder if all was going to be okay.

My eyes were swimming with the amount of water I had to drink prior to my ultrasound. I didn’t remember it being this painful of an experience with Jackson’s or Natalie’s first ultrasounds. I was called back and tried not to cry over the pain of an overly full bladder that is being pressed on from all different angles in order to get some good ultrasound pictures.

The technicians were quiet. Maybe a little too quiet if I had been able to focus on anything other than not wetting myself. Then the Senior Tech asked the reason for this appointment, was I spotting? Having pains?  I replied that I only had the one pain this morning, no spotting, and that this ultrasound was to check my cervical length. 'Oh'. And that’s all I got.

A few hours later, Dr Billick from my doctor’s office called. My doctor (Dr. Kallock) was out of town, and she was sorry to tell me but the technicians didn’t find a fetus. There was a yolk sac, but no fetus. They want to have my blood drawn today and in two days’ time to see if my hCG numbers are increasing or decreasing. Again, so sorry. . .

I call Ross who happened to be on his way home and we try our best to wrap our heads around what I was just told. I get my blood work done, and we wait for Thursday to come.

Dr Billick called me that Thursday afternoon. The numbers are still increasing but not at the expected rate. So essentially, my body still thinks I’m pregnant. They want me to have more blood taken on Sunday and depending on that count we either wait to miscarry or have another ultrasound to see if it’s a tubal pregnancy or something else.

And so we wait.

Ross and I have come to terms with the fact that this baby isn’t happening and preparing ourselves for any “what-ifs” that might come up depending on whatever is truly happening inside my body. Will it require surgery, taking medicine, just waiting it out for my body to flush it out naturally . . .

We get the news, numbers are still increasing, slightly. Ultrasound set for the following Thursday. I also make an appointment with Dr Kallock so we can discuss “next steps” with her in person.

Ross comes with me to the appointment. We have a different technician. A man I’ve had before who is very chatty and very kind. I figure he’s not going to be as stoic as the first technicians, regardless of what the scenario is. This time I don’t drink as much water, I want to be able to concentrate on what it happening and not my bladder.

We hear lots of “ok”s as he checks out everything, then “and here’s your baby’s heart beat”. Wooa wooa wooa wooa. . . .

WHAT?!

Ross and I aren’t quite sure what to say. The technician says the due date is December 21, which is exactly what we first learned at the first doctor’s appointment. In essence, nothing had changed, yet we had been through the wringer, and more. It was going to take us a moment to catch our breaths and re-wrap our heads around the fact that yes, we are seriously and completely pregnant.

Where to begin?

I’m going to have to play a bit of catch-up here, so the entries aren't going to be as spur of the moment and will have to depend on my baby brain. Yes, that’s what I said: baby brain. Round 3 has begun.

April 19, 2013

I had a general doctor’s appointment that was coming up, but I seemed to have scheduled it at a bad time and decided to reschedule it for the following week.  However, something seemed off to me and took a little test to check. I must have had an inkling of an idea because the night before I told Ross I wondered if I might possibly be pregnant.

Natalie and I went to the store to picked up some tests, and ironically enough some Preggo Spaghetti sauce for that night’s dinner, seriously, and came home to see what the future might be. 

It was positive.

I had to look a second time, a third. . . and called Ross. He took the news better than I. I was still in disbelief.

I immediately called my doctor’s office and got my first appointment time back. Monday seemed so far away from that Friday. . .